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Track of the report of the conference
Sunday, November 1, 2009 - 09.45 - Dr. Colette Shama
Presentation by Stephen Pace
Chiara Sozzi Interview with Dr. Colette Shama, holistic doctor, Specialist in Pediatrics - Milan
SUMMARY
There is a recipe for keeping the integrity of the family when he took over his parents' separation. A woman, a man can learn to accept the pain of failure. It may come to believe again in the report and family. May be able to leave the force to maintain for themselves and their children, the serenity that came from the love of a couple who is loved. By a separation may well also have the option of a beautiful and healthy family, even if divided.
We all experience the focus of a family, this center that holds it together and cohesive. And sometimes what we experience as gravity moves unexpectedly. A move that leaves you breathless because the cohesion flake (perhaps only illusory) that had been painstakingly created among family members. The deaf conflict that can lurk in a family in crisis has long-term effects on children, more sensitive and receptive members of the family itself. In a conflict between parents, leading to their separation, the children lose their points of reference. This loss is painful for the children educated in the values \u200b\u200bof proximity, sharing, union.
yet ... And yet a parent feels that he has an energy that comes from a tall task, a journey undertaken for the sake of their children. And that turns out to be for the good of himself, of himself.
In this journey that brings peace of mind in our children, there are recipes and tips pre-packaged. However, there are little tricks and practical in approach that can support the child at the time of separation:
- not create the false illusion that all is well. Experience the family reunions and Christmas celebrations, for example, as a constraint only adds a dose of hypocrisy and deceptive serenity that makes the child suffer further
- Be honest with the child, do not hide your pain, but to communicate it, though in appropriate ways. The day his son will see again a smile on the lips of his mother or his father, after days of gloomy thoughts, it will be a beautiful day. So teach your kids how to distinguish the true emotions and teach them that the pain should not be hidden to make it go away, but faced and overcome
- love. Not with rage companion, nourishing your heart of malice and that of their children. A child comes before you, before your anger, your pain, your selfishness. You've made the world as an act of love. The first right which is to be helped to believe in, otherwise it loses most important thing in the world. The family crisis is the examination of this faith in love.
What next? What to do after the peak of the crisis is behind us now and the two parents live separate lives? Do not rush. Do not hasten to enter into a new romance with the hope to compensate or replace the eyes of children the previous report. The child needs time to heal its wounds. Do not rush this process and, above all, do not confuse the roles. A father and a mother are unique and are forever. They have no substitutes. New partners are welcome and may open up new loves to life, but the point of reference that is to be parents should not be denied her son. A mother, good or bad, nice or ugly, is already there. A loving dad or cold, or distant participant, is already there. Confusing the roles superficially adhering to vague idea of \u200b\u200bextended family has the sole effect of the confusion in the child.
What is apparent from all this? Still love. See that your child builds a family love, which aspires to be a parent, this is the outcome of a crisis that has been dealt with responsibility and love. Organization, family, tasks, calendars, education, school ... all are necessary, but the fundamental view that children listen to and nourish their future is in love.
Colette Shama
holistic doctor, Specialist in Pediatrics - Milan
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